2010

And yet again I have failed at keeping up with my blog. This past semester was so intense in many different ways. I can't beleive it's already come and gone, just like I can't believe another new year is upon us. Thats right 2010 is here and I'm hoping for great things both in my life and in the life of others. I can't predict what's gonna happen but I hope it will be nothing but good things. So far, 2010 for me hasn't been spectacular. I mean I have no real complaints but nothing really great to talk about either. just same old smae old. I wish I had something new and exciting to talk about. Maybe later on down the road. I have one week left before I go back to school to start another semester. This semester I'm striving for straight A's, mostly to bring my gpa up. It's lower then I'd like it right now. So we'll see if i can pull it off. As of now, i've just been working and making money, God knows I need it. haha

Gotta Play Catch Up

Wow! It's been awhile since I've posted a blog. Let's just say summer got the best of me, and I fell behind in posting about my life. So, I'm back now, and will be posting stuff more often.

Quick overview of my summer: It was good! Definitely went too fast. I had four months of summer and now I'm back at school. Maybe it's just because I worked it away, but either way it wasn't my most enjoyable summer. That would be the summer of 08.

But moving on, I'm currently back in school and working on completing my junior year. So far, it's been ok. I'm taking 15 credits and I feel like that's not enough, but it is what it is. I like most of my classes except Ethics and Argument and Debate. The teachers for those classes are just awful and it's hard to learn anything. So, I guess I'm gonna have to try extra hard in those classes. Haha. And as far as college life, outside of academics, it's going ok. I try to go out and stuff but whenever I do, I usually get caught b/c I have bad luck when it comes to that stuff. Haha. So yeah, I just watch my roommates go out and have all the fun.

Nothing else really has been going on, but there's a lot more time for stuff to occur.

Stop Signs

I’ve been driving for about two years now and believe that I’m a pretty good driver. Ask my friends though, and they’ll have to disagree with that. Hahaha. Bottom line is that I speed and I don’t really stop at stop signs. I do what they call a “rolling stop”. Well, the other day I actually stopped at a stop sign, saying out loud “S-T-O-P”. That’s the way they teach you to stop in driving 101, right? I have to say, stopping for that long felt like one of the longest seconds of my life, but at the same time it was inspiring.

Afterwards, I realized that stop signs really serve a purpose. That purpose being, to make the driver come to a complete stop, making sure that there are no other cars passing by, so that the driver can safely continue driving. Then I started thinking that in life, there needs to be more stop signs. We as people are constantly running around, consumed with everyday life that we fail to see what’s coming at us. If we were to “stop” more often and think about stuff or be more aware of our surroundings, then we would probably be better off. It only takes a coupe seconds to “stop”, whether it be at a stop sign or in life. Maybe you should try it sometime.

Addiction

Everyone knows someone who has some kind of addiction, right? Well I never thought I would, but I do. It really gets to me sometimes. At times I just want to ignore everything about it, but I feel like I should be doing everything to stop it. So I try talking to them, but I have discovered that talking to someone who has an addiction is like talking to a brick wall. They never want to listen to anything you have to say. You may even get them to agree with you and say “yeah I have an addiction” but they still carry on with that addiction. So, they’ll admit that there’s a problem, but it means nothing to them. It’s just words that come out of their mouth. And you never know what they’re thinking or how they feel unless they talk to you. And even when they talk, nothing they say ever makes sense, because they talk in terms of an addict. At times they just say what they think you want to hear, just to satisfy you.

It’s always obvious to the person without the addiction that there’s a problem. As an outsider looking in on an addicts’ life, it’s awful to see what it does to a person and their surroundings. There’s so much struggle and battle with people involved, as well as with the person themselves. It’s all like a big game. I hate being a witness to addiction. All you can do is watch the addict destroy themselves slowly, but surely. I hate every minute of it. But let it be known that the only person that can help the addict is themselves. Nothing I do is going to make a difference. If anything, it probably makes it worse.

With any addiction, or any problem, nothing’s ever going to change unless the person admits there is a problem. That’s the first step in overcoming anything. And I know it can be embarrassing and then you’ll feel like a failure, because you’ve realized you’ve hit rock bottom, but maybe that’s what needs to happen. And I know that it’s hard to quit something once you’ve started, but it can be done. All you need is faith and belief in yourself and the willpower to pull through.

All I do is Think

I listen to a lot of music on a daily basis and I have many favorite songs, but there are some that mean more than others. Songs that I could listen to on repeat and never get sick of. One of these songs would be, “Nicest Thing” by Kate Nash. It just really captures all of my emotions. No matter where I am in my life, I can always relate to this song. Every time I listen to this song, I reflect upon my life, both past and present. The song itself is so mellow, but yet so emotional and I love every second of it. The lyrics are so relatable and clever. One of my favorite lines would be “I wish that you knew when I said two sugars actually I meant three”. “Nicest Thing” is definitely a song I could see my self writing, but Kate Nash beat me to it. Maybe one day I’ll be able to write lyrics like Kate Nash, but until then I’ll stick with what I have.

Yes, I write often. Of course, I write more when I’m going through troublesome times or something is bothering me, but that’s normal. I love writing my feelings and thoughts down, especially for future reference. I find that I repeat a lot of things through out my writing, so obviously there are certain themes which surround my life. I don’t mind it at all. And unfortunately, everything that I think, I don’t write down. That would be a little obnoxious.

And yes, I think. Without thinking, I would get nowhere. I find that every day after a certain time which is usually 8 pm maybe 9 pm, I go into thinking mood. Whether I’m with friends or by myself, I’ll just stare off into space and think deeply. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. Personally, I believe it’s good because I’m sorting out my feelings. If I can’t understand my own feelings, how am I supposed to understand anyone else’s? Everyday, I feel as if I learn something new and if not, then I just reflect on something old. Hopefully, I never stop thinking. That would be a tragedy.

My Life & Religion

In my room there hangs a silver cross above my door. I glance at it everyday, but then there are some days I look at it for 5 minutes or so. Lately, I’ve been disconnected with religion. It all started when I went to college. I was always away and there was no real church for me to go to there. When I would come home, my family and I would usually go to church on Sunday morning. I never went to church by myself. So eventually my family stopped going as much, and as of right now they don’t go at all. Actually, my parents officially left the church we were at and never joined another one. They said they didn’t feel motivated to go there anymore and they weren’t happy with what the church was preaching. They tried searching for another one, but had no success. On Easter, we went to a new church but it was nothing we liked. And that’s the last time my family and I attended church. Church for me was a place to go and have a better connection and or relationship with God, but when I couldn’t always have that I started reading devotional books. I enjoyed the first devotional book I ever had. I think I read it every night like one is supposed to. Maybe I should have just read the bible. But anyways, I feel religion needs to be back in my life somehow, someway. I’m not saying I’m some crazy, really religious person. All I’m saying is religion is a missing piece of my life’s right not and it needs to be found again. Looking at the cross hanging above my door isn’t enough anymore.

Relating to Music

The other night I was driving home from my friend’s house and I was listening to Kate Nash. The song “Nicest Thing” came on and for some reason I started crying. The song is about wanting someone when they don’t want you. Wanting to have a relationship but they’re not giving you he time of day. I guess when listening to this song I think about my situations and reflect back on previous times and wish for a relationship that can’t be. I guess last night I was really relating to the song which made me cry. I’ve had other instances like this. For example, “Can’t Let Go” by Landon Pigg really got me. I listened to the first two lines and started crying. Hahha. It’s like the perfect song for me and now has become one of my favorites. This all goes to show how we can relate to music. Music is created to help us through certain times and help us express our feelings. There is a type of music for every mood and if you don’t believe me go to allmusic.com. At this website you can search for music depending on your mood; it’s pretty fun. I encourage you to listen to the two songs I talked about here, they’re amazing and I’m sure you’ll be able to relate. Never stop discovering new music; it will keep you alive.